SSBEW's Ice Age
by SSB-Episode-Writer
Summary: There's been a change in the story. When Jonayla is given to Mac Taylor and SpongeBob SquarePants, Shadow the Hedgehog confronts them and tells them he knows where the parents are. But can they trust him?
1. The Migration

This is the parody of "Ice Age". Check out the cast!

Manfred "Manny" the Mammoth: Mac Taylor (CSI:NY)

Sid the Sloth: SpongeBob SquarePants

Diego the Smilodon: Shadow the Hedgehog

The Baby: Jonayla (Earth's Children series)

Soto the Smilodon: Black Doom

The Neanderthals: Jondalar and the Zeladonii (Earth's Children series)

Scrat: (I'll think of someone on the way!)

* * *

Chapter 1: The Migration

(I'll skip Scrat trying to find a good spot for his acorn and move on to the real story)

People are moving south for something happening.

"Why not call it the Big Chill or the Nippy era?" One man asks another. "I'm just sayin', how do we know it's an ice age?

"Because of all the ice," the other man answers.

"Well, things just got a little chillier."

Kids are shown in the mud playing "Extinct"

"Help. Help."

"Come on, kids, let's go. The traffic's movin'," the father walks up to them.

"But, but, but, Dad," the kid tries talking but slips in the mud.

"No buts. You can play extinction later."

"OK. Come on, guys," the kid sighs as the others follow.

We go to two women talking to each other.

"So, where's Eddie?" one women asks the other.

"He said he was on the verge of an evolutionary breakthrough," the other answers.

"Really?"

Not far from them, we see a man attempting to jump off a hill.

"I'm flying!" he lands on the ground.

"Some breakthrough."

Meanwhile, a man was walking the other way compare to the others. He was about middle-aged, dark brown hair, and he carried a gun. He obviously was an investigator. His name was Mac Taylor. And by the lookon his face, he doesn't look too happy.

"Look out! You're going the wrong way."

"Crazy CSI Detective."

The father of the children confronts him.

"Do the world a favor. Move your issues off the road!"

Mac looks at him and says, "If I didn't have this gun with me, I wouldn't draw attention to myself, pal!"

"Give me a break. We've been waddlin' all day," the man shows his family all tired.

Mac sees their agony and calms down.

"Go ahead. Follow the crowd," he lets them pass. "It'll be quieter when you're gone."

"Come on. If he wants to freeze to death, let him."

On some tree, was a sponge wearing a shirt and tie. He was sleeping when the rumbling of footsteps woke him up.

"I'm up! I'm up!" He gets up. "Rise and shine, everybody. Huh? Mom? Dad?" he looks around to find his family. "Gary? Grandma?" No one was in sight. "Where is everybody? Come on, guys, we're gonna miss the migration," He then realize something. "They left without me. They do this every year. Why? Doesn't anyone love me? "Isn't there anyone who cares about SpongeBob Squarepants?" a man with his dog sees and walks by. "All right, I'll just go by myself," SpongeBob began walking but stepped on something you don't want to know. "Ugh! Sick. Hey Mister, tell your dog to curb it next time!" he shouts at the man. "Oh, jeez. Yuck."

We'll continue some other time!


	2. SpongeBob's Misfortune

Chapter 2: SpongeBob's Misfortune

We go to two big guys that appear to be having dinner.

"I can't believe it. Fresh wild greens. Eggman, where did you ever?" one man asks Eggman.

"Go ahead. Dig in."

The man sees a dandelion in the pile of salad.

"A dandelion! I thought the frost wiped 'em all out." the man noticed

"All but one!"

Just then, SpongeBob came walking in, trying to get the poop off of his shoes.

"It makes me so... I wanna... Yuck," he walks over the salad. "This has definitely not been my day. You know what I'm sayin', buddy?" SpongeBob kicks some droplings onto the man. "What a mess. You guys happen to be bad guys trying to rule the world. Did you know that? It's just a fact. No offense. You probably didn't even know what I'm talkin' about," SpongeBob sees the dandelion. "Yummo. A dandelion. Must be the last one of the season," SpongeBob eats the dandelion and is enjoying the flavor. The two men are getting angry.

"Eggman!"

"Easy, Ganondorf."

"He ruined our salad," Ganondorf pointed out.

SpongeBob heard him and stopped.

"My mistake. That was my mistake. Let me," SpongeBob begins to walk away from them but trips over a tree limb. "No, no, seriously, let me take care of this. What is this?" SpongeBob picks a pinecone. "Pine cones. Oh, my goodness. They're my favorite," He takes a bite out of it and is trying hard to like it. "Delicious. That's good eating," SpongeBob give Ganon and Eggman pinecones too. "But don't let me hog them all up. Here, you have some. Tasty, isn't it? "Bon appeit," SpongeBob runs away.

"Now?" Ganon asks.

"Now," Eggman answers.

They run after SpongeBob as he runs into Mac. Mac looks at him as SpongeBob runs behind him.

"Just pretend that I'm not here," SpongeBob said.

"I wanted to kill him," Ganondorf whined.

"That's OK. We'll have some fun with him," Eggman was talking about Mario.

"Don't let them murder me. I wanna live," SpongeBob begged, grabbing Mac.

"Get off me!" Mac pushed SpongeBob.

"Come on, you're makin' a scene," Ganondorf announced.

"We'll just take our cheesy pinata and go," Eggman said.

"If it's not them today, it's someone else tomorrow," Mac said to SpongeBob.

"Well, I'd rather it not be today. OK?" SpongeBob asked.

"We'll break your neck so you don't feel a thing," Ganondorf said.

"Wait a minute. I thought bad guys like you wanted to rule the world and not take hostages?" Mac wondered.

"An excellent point," SpongeBob agreed sticking his arm out behind Mac.

"Shut up!" Mac ordered.

"Who says we're gonna take over the world after we kill him?

"You know, I don't like people that kill for pleasure," Mac crossed his arms.

"Save it for a mammal that cares," Ganondorf said.

"I'm a mammal that cares! Oh wait, I'm a sea sponge!"

"OK, if either of you make it across that sinkhole in front of ya, you get the sponge," Mac offered, pointing to the center that stood between the four.

"That's right, you losers. You take one step and you're dead!" SpongeBob picks up a rock and throws it at the two over the sinkhole that ends up just regular ground. Ganondorf and Eggman smile evily.

"You were bluffing, huh?" SpongeBob asked.

"Yeah. Yeah, that was a bluff," Mac squeaked. SpongeBob panicks at hides behind Mac, again.

"Get him!" Eggman shouted.

Mac got scared but became determined as Eggman and Ganondorf started running towards him. Ganondorf rammed into him and started pushing him towards the cliff. SpongeBob tried to help but was too weak as he inched closer to the ledge and he screamed. Mac recooperated and pushed Ganondorf away and swung him around like he did to Bowser. Ganondorf landed somewhere else as SpongeBob jumped in front and cheered. But screamed and ran behind Mac because Eggman was running towards them. But Mac grabbed him and threw in the air as well.

"A dandelion?" Ganondorf asked just as Eggman landed on the flower.

"We did it!" SpongeBob cheered and landed on Mac to hug him but they fell off the cliff and landed on the ground. SpongeBob was on top of Mac and starred into his eyes.

"You have beautiful eyes," SpongeBob commented.

"Get off my face," Mac said.

Mac got up as SpongeBob jumped off him.

"Whoa, we make a great team. What do you say we head south together?" SpongeBob offered.

"Great. Jump on my back and I'll give you a piggy back ride all the way," Mac said sarcastically.

"Wow, really?" SpongeBob asked.

"No," Mac answered.

SpongeBob then noticed something Mac was doing. "Wait, aren't you going south? The change of seasons, migration instincts," SpongeBob asked. "Any of this a-ringin' a bell?"

"I guess not. Bye," Mac waved.

"OK, then. Thanks for the help. I can take it from here," SpongeBob walked away to the cliff but saw Ganondorf and Eggman.

"You overgrown cheese-head. Wait till we get down there!" Ganondorf threatened.

SpongeBob saw them and ran back to Mac.

"That south thing is way overrated. The heat, the crowds, who needs it? Isn't this great?

You and me, two bachelors knockin' about in the wild."

"No, you just want a bodyguard so you don't become somebody's side dish," Mac said.

"You're a very shrewd man," SpongeBob said. Mario didn't say anything. "OK, lead the way, Mr. Human... Didn't get the name."

"Mac Taylor. But call me Mac," Mac said without facing SpongeBob or even to bother to shake

SpongeBob's hand.

"Mac? Yuck. How about Mac the Moody Man? Or Mac the Melancholy... Mac the-," SpongeBob saw

Mac getting angry at him and he climbed up a tree. Mac grabs SpongeBob and glares at him.

"Stop following me," Mac said and dropped SpongeBob to the ground.

"OK, so you've got issues. You won't even know I'm here. I'll just zip the lip. See if I speak, I'll just 'mmmm'," SpongeBob reminded him.

Meanwhile, somewhere not far from them was a group of humans camping out for the night. This group of humans were known as the Zelandonii. As a campfire was started, one man Jondalar walks over to his wife, Ayla. Ayla was holding their baby daughter, Jonayla. Ayla puts Jonayla on the ground to help her walk towards Jondalar. Little do they know is that a group of monsters were watching their every move.

"Look at the cute little baby, Shadow," a strange looking creature, Black Doom, was floating and was talking to a black and red hedgehog. "Isn't it nice she'll be joining us for breakfast?

"It wouldn't be breakfast without her," Shadow said. "Especially since her daddy wiped out half our pack and wears our skin to keep warm."

"An eye for an eye, don't you think?" Black Doom agreed.

"Let's show him what happens when he messes with the Black Arms," Shadow said.

"Alert the troops. We attack at dawn," Black Doom ordered as Shadow began to walk away.

"And, Shadow, bring me that baby alive. If I'm gonna enjoy my revenge, I want it to be fresh."

Jonayla falls asleep as Ayla takes her inside the tent, followed by Jondalar.


	3. Mac and SpongeBob Get the Baby

Chapter 3: Mac and SpongeBob Get the Baby

Back to Mac and SpongeBob who are apparently making shelter. Mac has a pile of logs while SpongeBob is carrying one tiny stick.

"Phew. I'm wiped out," SpongeBob said.

"That's your shelter?" Mac was aghast by this situation.

"You're a big guy. You got a lotta wood. I'm a little guy," SpongeBob pointed out.

"You got half a stick," Mac pointed out.

"But with my little stick and my highly evolved brain," SpongeBob pokes his eye with the stick. "Ow. I shall create fire," SpongeBob hoped.

"Fascinating," Mac said sarcastically.

"We'll see if brains triumph over brawn tonight. Now, won't we?" SpongeBob said, breaking the stick in half.

It is raining all of the sudden and SpongeBob is still trying to make fire. No luck for the little guy.

"Think I saw a spark," Mac said sarcastically.

SpongeBob heard him and looked. He fell for the joke, gave up and walked over to him.

"Any chance I could squeeze in there with you, Mac, ol' pal?"

Mac groaned. "Isn't there someone else you can annoy? Friends? Family? Poison sea urchins?"

"My family abandoned me. They just kinda migrated without me," SpongeBob said while trying see if Mac's shelter had any room. "You should see what they did last year. They woke up early and tied my hands and feet and they gagged me with a jellyfish, covered their tracks, went through water so I'd lose their scent, and... who needs 'em, anyway?" SpongeBob took Mac's shirt (**Mac's wearing one of those white T-shirts underneath his outer shirt**), laid down with it as a blanket. "So what about you? You have family?" Mac reacted to SpongeBob's question, glared at him, took his shirt and turned away from him. "OK, you're tired. I see. We'll talk more in the morning," all of the sudden, hail began dropping all over SpongeBob. "Mac? Mac? Could you scooch over a drop? Come on. Nobody falls asleep that fast. Mac!" SpongeBob took Mac's shirt again but put it over his head.

On some tree, it was Woodstock (Peanuts) trying to make a nest. He took one last stick up to the top of the tree and made his nest. But just as he did, he was struck by lightning.

It is early morning and the Black Arms are moving in for the attack. One steps on a twig which causes a few dogs to be awaken by it and started barking. Jondalar heard the dogs and walked out of his tent to see what the fuss is all about. The Black Arms began attacking every human as Shadow snuck past them and went into the tent with Jonayla. He smiled as he saw her. But just as he was about to move in, Ayla grabs Jonayla, whacks Shadow with a stick and ran out of the tent. Shadow ran after her.

"Jondalar!" Ayla shouted.

"Ayla!" Jondalar heard her and ran after her but was blocked by two Black Arm soldiers.

Ayla kept running from Shadow but he appeared right in front of her. She ran the other way but Shadow surprised her as he attacked her but only grabbed the necklace from her. She ran to the cliff of a waterfall. She looked at Shadow who was about to Chaos Spear on her, then at Jonayla. She hugged her and jumped into the waterfall. Shadow gasped and look to see where she went. Ayla was no where in sight.

"Damn it!" Shadow growled.

The dogs are released as they tried to attack the Black Arms. Black Doom saw Shadow.

"There's Shadow. Fall back!" The Black Arms fled as Black Doom confronted Shadow. "Where's the baby?"

"I lost it over the falls," Shadow said.

"You lost it?" Black Doom gasped. They saw rocks and spears being thrown at them as they ran away. "I want that baby, Shadow."

"I'll get it," Shadow said.

"You'd better, unless you want to serve as a replacement," Black Doom threatened. "We'll go up to Half Peak," Black Doom ordered the Soldiers. He faced

Shadow again. "Meet us there. It had better be alive," Black Doom said.

Black Doom ran off as a Black Arm soldier ran in front of Shadow.

"Can we trust you with that, Shadow?" he asked.

Shadow growled.

"Let's go," Black Doom ordered.

The Black Arms ran off as Shadow ran the other way. Jondalar walked up and saw the necklace Shadow dropped from Ayla. He looked at the Black Arms who were running off. Jondalar gets angry and runs off, followed by the other Zeladonii to follow the Black Arms. We go back to Mac and SpongeBob. SpongeBob is talking about something as he is eating an apple.

"She picked a piece of food off my face and says, 'If you have an extra mating dance, at least pick a female with the same color.' I thought 'Whoa. She's gonna go weird on me," SpongeBob explained.

"If you find a mate or wife, you should be loyal. In your case, grateful," Mac spoked. "Now get away from me."

"I think mating for life is stupid," SpongeBob said and threw the apple away. "There's plenty of Spongebob to go around," SpongeBob bumped into Mac who was standing still. "Mac?" SpongeBob walked in front of Mac. "Mac?" SpongeBob followed Mac's face to the river where we see Ayla gravely injured from her adventure down the waterfall. She saw the duo and swam over to them. She put Jonayla on the ground. But she couldn't push him all the way. But Mac grabbed the baby and Ayla looked up at him. She smiled as SpongeBob walked over to see the baby. Jonayla seemed okay.

"Look at that. She's OK," SpongeBob said. He looked up to see that Ayla was gone! He looks down the river and couldn't find Ayla's body. "She's gone." Mac looks at the baby and walks away from the scene. SpongeBob sees him walk away and ran to Mac. "Mac, are you forgetting something?"

"No," Mac said.

"But you just saved her," SpongeBob pointed out.

"I'm trying to get rid of the last thing I saved," Mac was referring to SpongeBob.

"But you can't leave her here," SpongeBob picked up Jonayla and looked up the mountain. "Look, there's smoke. That's her family right up the hill. We should return her.

Mac got right up in his grill.

"Let's get this straight. There is no "we. There never was a "we". In fact, without me, there wouldn't even be a "you.

"Just up the hill," SpongeBob squeaked.

"Listen very carefully: I'm not going!"

"Fine, be a jerk. I'll take care of her," SpongeBob walked away.

"Yeah, that's good. You can't even take care of yourself. This, I gotta see," Mario followed him.

"I'll return you. We don't need that meany-weeny man, do we?" SpongeBob asked Jonayla. "No, we don't," He walks up to the cliff and notices it is very high. He looks at Mac who signals him to go ahead. SpongeBob tries climbing up the cliff but isn't doing a very good job.

"You're an embarrassment to the entire world. Do you know that?" Mac asked.

"This is cake. I'm fine, I'm fine. I'm gonna die," SpongeBob whined. He climbs higher but is starting to lose grip of the baby. "Mac!"

Mac sees it and he walks under SpongeBob. Jonayla slips through the baby sack and SpongeBob grabs her by the foot. But loses his grip and Jonayla is falling towards Mac. Mac was just about to grab her when Shadow jumped out of no where and snatched the baby. Mac punches him and takes the Jonayla. Shadow threatens to use Chaos Spear when Mac takes out his gun.

"Don't make me use this," Mac said.

Shadow saw his point and lowered his arms.

"That baby is mine," Shadow said.

"No. Actually, that baby belongs to us," SpongeBob said as he fell off the cliff.

"'Us'? You two are a bit of an odd couple," Shadow said.

"There is no 'us'!" Mac shouted.

"I see. Can't have one of your own, so you want to adopt," Shadow said.

"Look, I'm sorry to interrupt your killing, but we gotta go," SpongeBob told him.

"The baby? Please. I was returning her to her family," Shadow lied.

"Oh, yeah. Nice try, Spike," SpongeBob said.

"Callin' me a liar?" Shadow asked.

"I didn't say that," SpongeBob said.

"You were thinkin' it."

"I don't like this hedgehog. He reads minds," SpongeBob whispered.

"Name's Shadow, friend."

"Mac Taylor, and I'm not your friend," Mac said.

"Fine, Mac. If you're lookin' for his family, you're wastin' your time. They left."

"Thanks for the advice. Now beat it," Mac said and goes to SpongeBob. "I'll help you bring it to her family, but leave me alone after that."

"OK. OK, deal. What's your problem?" SpongeBob asked.

"You are my problem."

"I think you're stressed, so you eat too much. It's hard to get fat on a veggie diet," SpongeBob commented.

"I'm not fat," Mario said.

"All right. But when you're ready to talk, I'm here," SpongeBob said as they walked away.

Shadow got angry and ran the other way.


	4. Finding Food

Chapter 4: Finding Food

Behind the ledge, we hear Mac and SpongeBob talking.

"What are you doin'? Just drop it on the ledge," Mac hissed at SpongeBob.

They put Jonayla on the ledge. Jonayla begins to crawl away.

"We should make sure they found her," said SpongeBob.

"Good idea," Mac agreed.

"No, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait," SpongeBob is thrown on the edge. SpongeBob prepared for the worst. "Don't spear me!" SpongeBob realized nothing happened to him as he looked around. "This is a problem."

Mac walks up and asks, "Now what?" The camp where the Zeladonii were was wiped out. Not a soul was in sight. "That's perfect."

Jonayla crawls around the camp as SpongeBob follows her. She crawls into a basket which flips over her. SpongeBob tries to help her but ends up stepping on a rake which the handle comes up and whacks him on the face. We see Jonayla hugging the bed she used to sleep in.

Shadow comes back and says, "I told you they were gone."

"Look who it is," Mac sighed. "Don't you have some poor animal to disembowel?"

SpongeBob walks around, looking for human tracks. "They couldn't be far. I mean, they went this way, or this way?"

"You don't know much about tracking, do you?" Shadow asked.

"I'm a sponge. I also happen to be hydrodynamically designed. That's my tracking."

"You didn't miss them by much. It's still green. They headed north two hours ago," Shadow explained.

SpongeBob makes his head look like Shadow's quills and mimics, "It's still green. They headed north two hours ago."

Jonayla accidentally flips another basket which causes a dead fish to hit Mac in the face. He takes the fish and drops it.

"You don't need this aggravation," Shadow said and takes Jonayla. "Give me the baby. I can track hunters down a lot faster than you."

Mac grabs Jonayla and asks, "And you're just a good citizen helpin' out?"

"I just know where the hunters are going," Shadow pointed out.

"Glacier Pass," Mac points to the mountains far away. "Everybody knows they have a settlement on the other side."

"Unless you know how to track, you'll never reach them before snow closes the pass," Shadow warned him. "Which should be, like, tomorrow. So, you can give that baby to me, or go get lost in a blizzard. It's your choice."

Mac grabs the baby makes Shadow believe he's giving her to him when in fact he ends up giving her to SpongeBob. "Here's your little bundle of joy. We're returning her to the hunters."

"The big, bad hedgey-wedgey gets left behind. Poor hedgey-wedgey," SpongeBob cooed.

"SpongeBob, hedgey-wedgey is gonna lead the way," Mac informed.

SpongeBob looks at Shadow who smiles at him. "Mac, can I talk to you for a second?"

"No. The sooner we find the hunters, the sooner I get rid of Mr Stinky Drool-Face, and the baby, too," Mac walks away.

Shadow walks around SpongeBob wand warns him, "You won't always have that human around to protect you. And when that day comes, I suggest you watch your back, cuz I'll be destroying on it."

"Über-tracker. Up front, where I can see you," Mac called out.

Shadow walks away as SpongeBob squeaks, "Help me."

Thus began the journey to bring Jonayla back to her father. But after a while, Jonayla begins to cry. She continues to cry as it begins to annoy Mac and Shadow.

"You gotta make it stop. I can't take it anymore," Mac said, covering his ears.

"I've killed things that complained less," Shadow said.

SpongeBob is trying to hold Jonayla but Jonayla won't stop moving around his arms. "She won't stop squirming."

"Watch her head!" Mac shouted.

"Put it down," Shadow said.

"Jeez, 'pick her up, put her down...'," SpongeBob grumbled as he put Jonayla on a stump.

Shadow examines her and notices something. "Its nose is dry."

"That means something's wrong with her," SpongeBob said.

"Someone should lick it. Just in case," Shadow said.

"I'll do it," SpongeBob volunteered.

Mac joined in by saying, "She's wearing a diaper you two."

"So?" SpongeBob asked.

"So if she poops, where does it go?" Mac asked.

SpongeBob got the point and said, "Okay, that is just disgusting."

"OK, you," Mac points to SpongeBob. "Check for poop."

"Why am I the poop-checker?" SpongeBob whined.

Mac got into SpongeBob's again. "Returning him was your idea, you're small and insignificant, and I'll pummel you if you don't."

"Why else?" SpongeBob asked.

"Now, SpongeBob," Mac ordered.

SpongeBob opens Jonayla's diaper and said. "Ew, gross! I mean, my goodness," he takes the diaper and stumbles around with it. "Look out. Coming through."

"Watch out," Shadow jumped as SpongeBob kept waving the diaper around.

"Stop wavin' that thing around," Mac said.

"I'm gonna slip!" SpongeBob yelled as he looked at Mac and grinned. He let the diaper fly into Mac's face. Mac panicks and throws the diaper to the ground. "It's clean. Got ya!"

Mac loses his temper and whacks SpongeBob upside the head. "Will you cut it out?"

Shadow noticed Jonayla stopped crying for a bit when SpongeBob was hit. "Do that again. She likes it."

Mac hits SpongeBob again, making Jonayla cry. "It's makin' me feel better too."

SpongeBob walks away from Mac and to Shadow. "Here, you hold it."

Shadow hits SpongeBob again and Jonayla laughs. But she resumed crying. "Turn her towards me," Shadow said. He covers his eyes and said, "Where is the baby? There she is," Shadow uncovers his eyes to surprise Jonayla. Jonayla just laid there, starring at him. "Where is the baby?" Shadow tried again. "There she is!" All Shadow did was scare Jonayla as she began crying again.

"Stop it. You're scarin' her!" Mac pushed Shadow away.

Jonayla then stopped when she hears her stomach growl.

"I bet she's hungry," SpongeBob noticed.

"How about some milk?" Mac asked.

"I'd love some," SpongeBob said.

"Not you. The baby," Shadow pointed out.

"I ain't exactly lactating right now, pal," SpongeBob began arguing.

"You're a little low on the food chain to..." Shadow tried to argue when Mac interupted them.

"Enough!"

"Enough, enough, enough," Mac's voice echoed.

Just then, they rustling near them. Not far from their location was a watermelon.

"Food," said the trio.

Mac went to pick it up but some gnome came out, took the melon from him, and ran away. Mac, SpongeBob, and Shadow followed him.

"_I don't know, but I've been told_," sang a gnome commander.

"_I don't know, but I've been told_," chanted the gnome brigade.

"_End of the world be mighty cold_."

"_End of the world be mighty cold_."

"Prepare for the Ice age!" shouted the gnome leader. "Protect the gnome way of life! Survival separates the gnomes from the beasts! Protect the dodo way of life! Prepare for the Ice age!"

Mac, SpongeBob, and Shadow found themeselves starring at a throng of gnomes preparing for the Ice Age.

"Ice age?" Mac asked.

"I've heard of these crackpots," Shadow shook his head.

One gnome put the melon on a stump when he saw the shadows of our three heroes. "Intruders," the gnome yelled and ran around.

"Now, don't fall in. If you do, you will definitely..." explained one gnome to a small group of gnomes about a small hole that had burning lava inside when the gnome shouting, "Intruders!" came around.

"Intruders. Intruder..." shouted the gnome when he fell into the lava pit.

"...burn and die," finished the gnome.

"Can we have our melon back? The little girl's hungry and..." Mac asked calmly to the gnomes.

"No way," said the gnome leader. "This is our private stockpile for the Ice age. Subarctic temperatures will force us underground for a billion years."

"So you got three melons?" Mac asked.

The gnome got his point but ignored it. "If you weren't smart enough to plan ahead, then doom on you."

"Doom on you. Doom on you. Doom on you," chanted the gnomes.

"Get away from me," Mac backed away.

"Doom on you," said the gnome leader when he lost his balance on the melon he was standing on and it rolled right into Jonayla's hands. "Oh, no. No. Retrieve the melon. Tae kwon gnomes, attack!"

Three gnomes in Tae-Kwon-Do outfits came out and used their skills to kick the melon out of Jonayla's hands. But they kicked the melon a bit hard as it flew towards the cliff.

"The melon," panicked the gnomes.

"The melon, the melon, the melon..." a group of gnomes went after the melon and fell down the cliff.

"There goes our last female," said one gnome.

The gnomes then saw SpongeBob grab the other melon. But the gnomes surronded him and SpongeBob threw the melon at Mac. Mac grabbed it and held it high so the gnomes wouldn't grab it. But one gnome grabbed his leg and bit it. Mac screamed at threw the melon into the air.

"Got it, got it, got it," said the gnomes as the melon went towards the lava pit. The gnomes fell in when one gnome caught the melon, over the lava pit.

"Don't got it," said the gnome as he fell in.

"The last melon," said the last remaining group of gnomes.

Holding the last melon was SpongeBob as he found him starring at the gnomes who were about to jump on him. He looked at far ahead, seeing Jonayla in Mac's arms reach out for him. SpongeBob looked at the melon, got angry, and ran in slow-motion through the group of gnomes. Like a football player, he tackled through the gnomes. He then jumped high and over the gnomes. He landed on the ground and made it. Mac and Shadow cheered along with Jonayla. SpongeBob then started doing a victory dance as one gnome started crying over his loss. SpongeBob jumped into the air and spiked the melon, breaking it.

"SpongeBob. Now we gotta find more food," Shadow groaned.

That's what Shadow assumed when all three noticed Jonayla eating a piece of the melon.

"Right, more to the right. Right, right, right," said one gnome on top of a pile gnomes.

"Look at that. Dinner and a show," Mac said.

"Left, left, left," continued the gnome.


	5. Shadow's Plan

Chapter 5: Shadow's Plan

It is now night time as SpongeBob is walking around, looking for food. "Now to find a meal befitting a conquering hero." He pulls a branch back as it whips back and hits on the head, knocking him down. "What ho? A foe? Come on, come on. You want a piece of me?" He does karate moves and sticks his hand in a hole and pulls out a nest. "Ooh, what a lovely looking hat..." he was about to put the nest on when Woodstock came out of nowhere and attacks SpongeBob for stealing his nest.

"Bedtime, squirt," Mac said, grabbing Jonayla. He looks up and sees SpongeBob. "The triumphant return."

"Huh? Oh, that," SpongeBob yawned. "I'm so full. How about a good-night kiss for your big buddy, SpongeBob?"

"She's asleep," Mac whispered.

"I was talking to you," SpongeBob said. He sees Mac glaring at him. "Fine, I'll tuck myself in." SpongeBob finds a rock and lays on top of it. "All right, good night."

As SpongeBob fell asleep, he started to move around and make sounds. It started to irritate Mac. "Will you stop it?"

SpongeBob wakes up from Mac's shouting and says, "All right, all right. I was trying to relax."

"Oy," Mac sighed as SpongeBob finally fell asleep.

Mac then focused on Shadow who was "asleep". Mac kept trying to stay awake to make sure Shadow doesn't pull any stunts. But sleep took over as Mac closed his eyes and fell asleep. Shadow wakes up with his eyes glowing in the moonlight. He walks up to Mac and is about to grab Jonayla when he heard rustling within the distance. The sound made Mac twitch and hold the baby closer. Shadow got mad and decided to see who or what was making the rustling. He runs over and attacks the intruder. It turns out be one of the Black Arms soldiers.

"What the...?" Shadow gasped.

"Kill me. It'll be the last thing you ever do," said the Black Arms soldier.

"I'm workin' here, you creature," Shadow hissed.

"Frustrated, Shadow?" asked another Black Arms solider. "Tracking down helpless infants too difficult for you?"

"What are you two doin' here?" Shadow asked.

"Black Doom's getting tired of waiting," said Black Arms Soldier 2.

"Yeah, he said 'Come back with the baby, or don't come back at all.'," said Black Arms Soldier 1.

"I have a message for Black Doom," Shadow said. "Tell him I'm bringing the baby. And tell him I'm bringing..." Shadow paused. "...a man."

"A man?" asked B.A. Soldier 1.

"Men never travel alone," B.A. Soldier 2 pointed out.

"This one does, and I'm leading him to Half Peak," Shadow explained.

"Looks excellent for target practice. Let's get him," said B.A. Soldier 1 and started to run towards Mac.

Shadow got in front of him and said, "Not yet. We'll need the whole pack to bring this man down. Get everyone ready," he looked at the soldiers. "Now."

The soldiers left as Shadow walked down to the group and went to sleep.

Morning came as Mac woke up to feel Jonayla in his lap. But he realized that there was no baby in his lap! He gets in front of Shadow and fires his gun. The shot woke up Shadow as Mac grabbed Shadow.

"Where's the baby?" Mac asked.

"You lost it?" Shadow asked.

Both of them then realized that there was one more within the group. "SpongeBob!" they shouted.

SpongeBob was indeed carrying Jonayla. He was showing her to two attractive young ladies while taking a mud bath with them.

"Look at her! She's positively adorable," said the blonde girl.

"Hello, pumpkin. Hello, little princess," the other lady was tickling Jonayla's chin. "Where'd you find her?"

"The poor kid, all alone in the wild," SpongeBob lied, trying to impress the ladies. "Monsters were closing in on her. So I just snatched her."

"So brave," commented the blonde girl.

"Yeah, well, she needed me, and I only wish I had one of my own, too," SpongeBob sighed.

"Really? I find that attractive in a male," said the brunette.

"Alas. Who wouldn't want a family, I always say," SpongeBob said when he noticed Jonayla was submerged in the mud bath.

"Where've you been hiding?" asked the blonde.

"Yeah, well, you know..." SpongeBob chuckled as he grabbed Jonayla out and tried to find something to wipe her down with. "Cute kid, huh? So, as I was saying, ladies..."

He grabs someone's shirt and wipes Jonayla when he also felt a gun. He knew who it was. "Hey. Hi, Mac."

"What's the matter with you?" Mac asked, wiping his shirt and grabbing Jonayla.

"Excuse me, ladies. You just keep marinating and I'll be right back," SpongeBob leaves but comments on them. "Sexy."

"He's not much to look at, but it's so hard to find a family guy," said the blonde.

"Tell me about it. All the sensitive ones get eaten. Plus, he's a sponge," the brunette said.

SpongeBob comes running to Mac. "No, no, no. Mac, please, I'm begging you. I need her."

"A good-lookin' guy like you?" Mac asked sarcastically.

"You say that, but you don't mean it."

"No, seriously. Look at you. Those ladies, they don't stand a chance," Mac said.

"You have a cruel sense of humor," SpongeBob spointed out.

"Don't let me cramp your style."

"Thanks, Mac," SpongeBob said and sticks his arms out for Jonayla. "You're a pal."

"Without the girl," Mac said and walks away.

"Mac, I need her!" SpongeBob shouted but Mac ignored him.

SpongeBob gave up and went back to the mud bath. He jumped in and asked, "So, ladies, where were we?"

But the ladies weren't in the pool. Instead, it was the same guys SpongeBob encountered, Ganondorf and Eggman!

"Ganondorf," Eggman hissed.

"Easy, Ivo," Ganondorf said.

SpongeBob screams his lungs off. We go back to Mac carrying Jonayla. He was either talking to himself or to Jonayla.

"Pretty sponge walks by, suddenly he moves like a cheetah. And that hedgehog..." Mac was refering to Shadow. "Yeah, Mr Great Tracker. Can't even find a sloth. What am I? The wet nurse?" Mac places Jonayla on a stump. Jonayla looks at Mac and giggles. "What are you lookin' at? Look at you. You're gonna grow into a great predator. I don't think so. You're a girl anyway," Mac begins examining Jonayla. "What have you got? No fangs, no claws. What's so threatening about you?" Mac asked as Jonayla began grabbing his hands. "Does this look like a petting zoo to you? Huh?" Mac asked as Jonayla took his hand and bit it. "Ow! OK. All right, little girl. You just earned a time-out," he grabs her and places her higher on a tree. Jonayla was still laughing, thinking Mac is playing with her. "You think that's funny? How about this?" Mac grabs her and places her even higher on the tree. "You'll be a little snack for the owls," Mac said but then noticed how Jonayla was still laughing. He then started to have second thoughts. "You're a brave little squirt, I'll give you that."

We find SpongeBob running from Ganondorf and Eggman. He stops in front of Shadow. "Thank goodness. Thank goodness," SpongeBob panted. "Oh no. A tiger," SpongeBob shouted, making Eggman and Ganondorf think he is under attack. "Help. Help."

"Where's the baby?" Shadow asked.

"Mac has him. Just put me in your mouth. Come on. Hurry up," SpongeBob begged as he continued shouting. "Oh no! He got me. Help."

Shadow didn't have time for games and said, "Get away from me."

"It went this way," said Ganondorf's voice.

SpongeBob panicked and did the unthinkable. He karate chopped Shadow on the back. Shadow got really pissed and jumped SpongeBob.

"Over here," Ganondorf said.

They turned around the corner and found SpongeBob in Shadow's grasp. SpongeBob saw them and made X's on his eyes, making them think that Shadow killed him.

"Ganondorf. The hedgehog beat us to him," Eggman dropped his gun.

Ganondorf got suspicious and said, "Wait a minute." Shadow got a little scared as Ganondorf kneeled down and sniffed SpongeBob's "dead body". "Egh, he's dead all right."

"Vicious animals have all the fun," Eggman complained as he and Ganondorf walked away.

SpongeBob sighed, "Gosh, I hate breaking their hearts like that. But you know how it is," SpongeBob tried to get out of Shadow's grasp but Shadow didn't let go. "All right, thanks. You can put me down now," Shadow wouldn't let go. "Mac. Mac," SpongeBob began to panic.

Mac walked up and said, "Guys, I thought we were in a hurry. And Shadow, drop it. "You don't know where it's been."

Shadow dropped SpongeBob and SpongeBob breathed a sigh of relief. "Boy. For a second there, I thought you were gonna kill me."

"I don't kill worthless creatures," Shadow said and walked away.

"Thought you were gonna...really?" SpongeBob asked.


End file.
